I would be the worst bride (based on my music alone).

This post is updated frequently.

I was a DJ by trade for a few years. I spent a lot of time attending wedding receptions — my job could be summarised as “playing the right song at the right time.” I surveyed the crowd and gauged how people reacted to the music, to determine what they’d like to hear next. If the bride (or occasionally, the groom) had a song list they wanted me to play, then that’s what I did for six hours.

Spotify and Project Makeover got a big workout on those nights.

I’ve seen wedding receptions go off without a hitch. I’ve seen wedding receptions end with the bride throwing up behind a dumpster. The kinds of music people wanted ranged from current Top 40 music to country, R&B, Metallica (sigh) and everything in between. One bride desperately wanted Disney music at her wedding — at which I happily watched her bop along to I Just Can’t Wait to be King from The Lion King. Since then, I’ve been sure to keep the most popular tracks (like We Don’t Talk About Bruno, for example) on my hard drive.

One might label a man, woman, or non-binary person as a “groom/bride-zilla” based on factors that frustrate or irritate either the venue in which they’re organising their wedding, or the guests they’ve invited, by avoiding the status quo: I recall a bride who did not provide me songs for her introduction, bridal waltz, etc., yet still demanded a specific list of music on the day — her timetable changed throughout the night for various reasons and she was less than willing to discuss change. While her wedding day is her day, there comes a point where one must be open to flexibility dependent on the circumstances around them. Demanding us to delay a table service meal for two hours is one of those circumstances (our chefs were less than impressed with that one).

All of this has led me to one conclusion: I would be an absolute bridezilla with my wedding, especially with my music. Why?

Because I want (mostly) video game music, and songs not typically considered for a wedding playlist.

Here’s what my wedding mix might look like:

The ultimate wedding Spotify playlist. Take that, normies!

Runsheet (and important tracks)

  • Reception introduction: Prelude (Final Fantasy VII Remake)
  • Dinner music
  • Bridal Waltz: Stand By Me (Florence + Machine)
  • Dance
  • Leaving Circle: I have a chocobo playlist.
  • As Bridge and Groom leave the venue: Dewdrops at Dawn (Yoko Shimomura)

I can already hear my father (the DJ who trained me up in my music-playing skillz) choking on air at my music list.

Good thing I’m not getting married anytime soon aye?

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